It was the twenty second day of March. The year was 2019. He woke up with a strange feeling. His world was colourless and he lay in his bed, trying to gather his thoughts. He did not have much to look forward too. Lately, he had not been interested in anything at all. He lay there quietly, soaked in his anhedonia. He did not want to do anything or see anyone today or for a long long time. He wondered what was different about today though. Alien emotions and discomforting anxiety was taking over him. While he did always feel like withdrawing from everything, something unusual was brewing inside him. He sat up and tried to shake it away. Like every day, he began pushing himself to getting dressed and going to work.
He had barely gotten up when he received a message. A message that shook his entire world and he almost collapsed. Frozen and broken, he tried to control himself. He held his face in his hands as he lay lifeless again. A cold darkness overcame him. Every feeling in his physical existence was gone. All he could feel was being cast into an endless abyss with nothing to break his fall. There was a light far away in the darkness around him. A light he could not reach. A light he had to let go. What was the message? He repeated the words to himself while his tears burned against his skin, cascading down slowly. He had just become a father to a beautiful baby girl. A daughter he could not see or meet.
If he wanted to, he
could fight for it. Fight against those who stood between him and his daughter.
He let himself suffer. He became the delinquent father. He told himself, that
no matter what they did to him, no matter what she did to him . . . He will not
separate the child from her mother. Even if that meant never being able to see
his own daughter. This was the most painful decision he had ever had to take.
Imagine giving up your rights for the people who caused so much pain for you
and robbed you. For him, it seemed selfish to fight for his right to be a part
of his daughters life if it was going to make her life harder.
He has not been able
to sleep properly yet and may never be able to. Whatever you will be told and
taught, I can only imagine. You will only hear slander about your father. They
will instill hatred inside your heart for him. But he passes his days knowing
that there is a God above. He passes his days knowing that his blood runs in
It was a quite night. The trees were still under the night sky, as if afraid to make a noise. The ground was silent and there were no stars above. Just a lonely moon, behind the dark clouds peeking down. He sat quietly on the stairs of his porch, as if behind a curtain which drowned all the noise around him. He felt like he was alone, with only the silence to keep him company. It seemed as if time had stopped and everything he cared for no longer mattered. He sat there, staring into the endless night and letting every thought his mind ever carried scream inside his head, for no amount of pain could intimidate him now. In his loss, his heart started to turn into stone as he let his thoughts carry him into a hopeless dream.
Life is always full of impediments and difficulties. For, him the past year was much like a never ending storm. A constant, relentless onslaught of difficulties. Of all these troubles, the one that really took a toll on him was his failed marriage. He had been lied to, deceived, used and threatened. But the disintegration of the abusive marriage was not what brought him down. The slandering and constant black mailing was not what he feared either. He endured all these storms until this very night. He gazed at the peeking moon and wondered if he will ever see his child. He could fight against everyone and everything to get that chance. But just because he could, he thought deeply and questioned, should he?
In many societies
and cultures, men lose so much when a marriage ends. I’m talking about the good
men, who are honest, hardworking, sincere and who go out of their way to make
things work. I’m talking about those who meet people who take advantage of their
honesty and their sincerity. I’m talking about those gentle souls, who
repeatedly forgive even after being hurt in every possible way. In the end –
they rarely find support. They are left alone, abandoned and they lose material
things as well as their mental well-being. They are seen as weak if they try to
reach out. They are just expected to bear all the burdens even in death . . .
He was being manipulated and being drained in every possible way. He held against everything. He waded through continuous waves of relentless abuse. But the day they tried to use his unborn child as a bargaining chip . . . he broke. He broke in a way not many of us can imagine. He stopped caring for everything. He let them take whatever they wanted but he finally decided to end things. Little did he know, the storm was just beginning. Till the day she was born, he had to endure a lot more. The very place he sat this silent night, had been a war zone a few hours ago. His house was run over and his family, his home and his life was being threatened by the very same people he used to call his family. How much time does it take to see through the lies and recognize who people truly are? For him, it took over an year . . .